the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
