New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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