Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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