i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You're like the curious george of whores
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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