It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
