Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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