At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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