Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
