Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
