I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
