she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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