I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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