Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
