Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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