please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
