Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
