Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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