it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
this is an emotional support booty call
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
