my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
