as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
