Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
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dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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