So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told you penises don't tan
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
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Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.