I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess