After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..