i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
