I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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