Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
