I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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