do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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