I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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