Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
