Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Randomize
