I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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