Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
