I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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