I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
