I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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