Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
These tits shall not be calmed
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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