when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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