The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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