Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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