Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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