I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
false alarm. still invincible.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
