I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize