Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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