i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
