i just wanna soil my oats bro
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this will be a night to untag.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
