I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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