You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
