I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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