she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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