I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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