I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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