i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
