Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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