My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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