just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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