Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
