dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
