I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
