quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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