Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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