Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
