after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i wish my penis had a tongue
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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