I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
