o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
