i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
