why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
