I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
