It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
