he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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