I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
