i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Bring me that man meat
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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