my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
