saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
