she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
