2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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