break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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