All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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