Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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