Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
