I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
